I Never Did Hate You
by Alianne Potter-Black
Summary: used to be I Just Couldn't Hate Him. Lily talks about Sirius in a way you never would have thought.


Disclaimer: I don't own it. Never have never will. All I own is the plot (which the voices in my head told me about).

**All That matters**

I never hated you.

You annoyed the living hell out of me- always acting like you owned the school or that life owed you something because you played quiddich. Still, I couldn't hate you-you were my best friend's boyfriend- no matter how hard I tried. As long as you made 'her' happy, I couldn't do anything. I couldn't talk to my boyfriend as he was a friend of yours (_everyone_ wanted to be your friend), and even though he wasn't fond of the idea of the two of you going out, as long as you didn't hurt her he had no problem.

But you did!

You broke her heart a thousand times and always, 'she' came back to you with the shattered pieces of her heart in her hands, welcoming you back into her life. Then you would be fine for about three or for months- just until you met someone cuter or will bigger boobs and a lower I.Q. You did this to her for almost three years.

Still, I couldn't hate you. We weren't friends but we got along.

Then we graduated and my parents were killed. At their funeral, I saw you as 'she' did- a kind man with a big heart and as much loyalty as hair.

A few months passed and I got engaged to your best friend. When we got married, you were best man and 'she' was lady of honor. By then the two of us were good friends and at the reception, you and I danced most of the night. When it was all over you thanked me for what I didn't know, but you thanked me.

A few years passed and you and 'her' got engaged, my husband and I had a son to whom you were named godfather, and throughout it all we became closer.

'She' died just before Christmas-two days before you were to be wed. At 'her' funeral your speech was short but held much meaning, and when you went to say your final good byes, I couldn't help but follow. "Good-bye my love" I heard you whisper "I'm sorry for everything. I love you" I saw you kiss 'her' and then you turned around and saw me. You were crying, but part of that glitter that once shone in your eyes was back. "Hey you" you said and smiled. I just smiled back.

It was six months to the day since 'she' died and we were at a meeting- you, me, my husband, and our old headmaster from school. We had been told that our son had been marked. Our baby boy who was just eleven months old was meant to kill or be killed by "the worst excuse for a human being that ever walked this planet" as 'she' had once called him. When the headmaster told us we needed a secret keeper, both of us immediately knew it was to be you. You agreed, but later asked us to change to another. Which we did- at a price. The day we were to go into hiding, you came over to say good bye as you would most likely not be seeing us for many a month.

You first said good-bye to my baby boy and as he didn't understand what was going on he just hugged you and did what you were doing-crying. Then you said good-luck to my husband- your best mate from the time you were kids.

Then you pulled me aside and we hugged for all we were worth-both of us trying to be strong. When we pulled apart you kissed my forehead and thanked me and when I asked you for what, you said "for every thing". I was completely confused but you kept on going. You said "You never gave up on me when we were in school. You weren't my friend but I knew I could always count on you if I needed help. You never gave up on me- just like her. Thank you for never giving up on me even though you hated me." After that you walked away and we went inside our house for the last time. You weren't there that night to say the real good-byes and you weren't there when we completed the spell- you couldn't be.

It had only been a week since we went into hiding when we got a letter that said "I love you" in unrecognizable hand writing. It wasn't signed but it said "from your pup".

That was the last night we were alive. Our secret keeper betrayed us and we were both killed. Yet somehow our baby boy survived. I don't know how but I remember the last thing you said to me and somehow I know-

I never hated you-I never could.

But I wasn't until I died that I realized it was because-

I loved you too much

hope you liked. And for those of you that cant tell- it's Lily talking about Sirius in a kind of alternate universe

please tell me what you think-

Alieykitten


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